history

I always thought.. is history gonna repeat itself?
yes, the answer was revealed yesterday. Yes.

Although i haven been in love with him for a long period but the hurt caused is as deep as how great the impact John can hurt me last time. I didnt plan to.. i didnt plan to love him that much, that deep. I knew we were impossible from the start. I told myself not to sink deeper but i slided in naturally.

Frankly speaking, he's just the 2nd guy im really into. and i failed the 2nd time. What's the reason im not sure. He claimed im too good that he's afraid if we were tgt he will create very much dependancy on me that his feelings may eventually become reliance. But till now, i still can't think of what have i done to make him think that im 'too good or too sweet'. But isn't it natural to be good to someoneyou love? I think he's just giving tons n lots of excuses.

yea, he 'tried out' a r/s with another girl, which i asked why. Was it because she's prettier, he got feel or cause she can give him sex? His answer was feel. So what about me? O, he's got stronger feeling for her. Asshole. So you have never been true to me? Yes, but you know me too well and you love me more than i do. Sigh. But i dun think i know him well at all. He agreed as well. but that's because he didn't give me chance to. He claimed he dunno me well too and that's because he don't bother to find out. Afer so much, isn't it obvious that he's really not interested anymore. Yes, i know. I know it very well.

I don't know why. Women's instinct perhaps. For the past few days i sensed something is wrong. i had nightmare that he's with another girl for holiday. I imagined what if i see him with another girl holding hands while i was shopping. What will my reaction be. and true enough, he stopped my imaginations and made it reality.

My heartbeat stopped a few seconds when i saw his status changed in FB. from being single to being in a relationhip. I called him but he did not respond. he smsed back saying he was sleeping. But he's actively online in FB. How long does he wan to tell these kind of lies till? Not anymore. He was forced to talk to me in msn though. He deleted my FB comments. What a man? Disappointed. I really feel like crying so much so much.. but was constrained by family members around in the house. I don't really feel like talking it to anyone but felt like lending someone's shoulder. Too bad he ain't free.

Last of all, thanks for all who cared.