Hot and Cold

11 Nov 2009

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK~~~!!!

As I told Hazel yesterday, vulgarities will not come out verbally from my mouth unless I am seriously angry and I can say it ALOUD now!

I feel so stupid if I’m still going to meet him later for dinner. But I will cuz I dun wanna make matter worse.. although I’m not sure if there will be another quarrel later.

I seriously feel like I’m an idiot. Low class idiot. Why do I even volunteer to accompany him for interview in the first place? I just felt it’s sweet to have your loved ones there to support u. I can wait for him for his interview. I dun mind shopping alone while waiting for him (u know I hate to be alone). But I dun mind doing that just for him. I felt it’s just what I should do. But I realized I’m not appreciated at all.

I know U didn’t want me to waste my time there waiting for u for hours. Perhaps u dun need me there too. If so, I felt I just thought too much. I was wrong that it will be better if I’m there. I was so wrong. I rushed preparing, thinking of what clothes I should wear, ironing, making up, all rushing. And this is what I got in the end. I rushed because of u. But I rushed for nothing.

It isn’t as easy as u said – “Just change back your home clothes and remove your make up lah.” But all other things count. U never considered my thoughts. If you really don’t wish to waste my time waiting for you, you could have insisted me not accompanying you yesterday ( u told me yst not to acc you and meet just for dinner but I said I want to acc you and u said okay) and not wait till your friend tell you and u listen to your friend. Furthermore it’s so last minute that I only saw your msg just before I’m stepping out of my door, when I’m all ready to go out. HATE IT!
I’m feeling tired from all the quarrels so far. I really can see/feel the difference. And I felt I’m not that important anymore. The truth is – It hurts. U better know what to do tonight! If not, I.. gave up.

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Indeed another quarrel that night. We might, a little silence on the train and good again. We had dinner at Ma Maison. Nice and filling dinner. Both of us had hamburger steak. I had the 250g while he had the 300g, plus a starter - different kinds of sausages and clam chowder soup. For another moment, i'm treasuring him again. One sentence that he said touched me - "I want to be able to provide for you comfortably." Suddenly, i felt like i love him more. I seriously like it and love him more when we have sensible talks. I like the more upright him, you know, when we have serious talks.












All went well, till the last part when we were about to go home. I decided to go his hse tgt with him as i know things will turn out well again rather than we part home, things will be hanging at the negative side. So all went well again.

and on and off and on and off. Accompanying him studying for his Insurance test now at Cartel. Like another war again ?